Electro Magnetic Fields And Your Immunity

www.mmstadium.com

I decided to visit the Moses Mabhida Stadium, yesterday. I went for a walk to soak up some sun.

Being Conscious of wellness and lifestyle I found myself watching children on their bicycles and roller blades and thinking "what a good workout they are getting while absorbing vitamin D from the sun...and having fun!"

Then...I saw a few people on segways, those two wheeled self-balancing battery powered electric machines.  And I couldn't help but think "these children have got it right, while those just float around getting absolutely no benefits!"  I began to think of the risks of not getting enough movement:

• Circulatory:   exercise aids lymph and blood circulation to remove toxins
• Osteoporosis:  bones lose density and become porous and weak.
• Obesity:  movement is essential to weight management
• Heart Disease.....
• Laziness....and more!

Hospitals have reported a high number of injuries on segways, as not all wear helmets.  Common injuries are facial and head trauma. The risk is higher when driven across uneven terrain.  One needs to be very aware of inanimate objects on the ground, as most injuries occur when driving over objects. 

Coincidentally, the creator of the segway, Jimi Heselden died when he had a freak accident on the two wheeled machine and drove off the edge of a cliff into a river near his home in 2010!

I tried not to be too biased and considered the pros and cons of this machine.  The only positive I could think of may be the benefits to those with disability.  But then again, the risk of more injury while trying to balance on it is really high. One would be better off using the mobile powered wheelchairs.  And...if one used it to travel a short distance around the neighborhood, as opposed to using their car, this could be more earth-friendly.  But still, if the distance is short one should rather enjoy the benefits of walking.  I felt that the risks far outweighed the benefits.

And as I thought of the various modes of transport, I was reminded of the EMF dangers of modern living. A car is definitely useful for travelling long distances.  I know that I enjoy doing a country trip into the Midlands from time to time.  But these things come at a cost if not managed well.  

Electro Magnetic Field (EMF) radiation is of great concern these days. It is harmful to the brain and pineal gland among other things. Electronics, especially being seated on the chair of an electric car is known to have a number of negative impacts on the body. When you sit in any vehicle (whether petrol/diesel/hybrid/ev) you are subjected to it.

Our bodies are bombarded daily by a multitude of EMF sources - computers, cell phones, WiFi, power lines, fluorescent lights, home wiring, airport and military radar, substations, transformers and appliance; it leads to pain, inflammation, sleep disorders, increased risk of cancer and much more. Some things we have little control over, although we can distance ourselves from the harsh effects that happen in close range with the sources of some eg. WiFi and smart meters. We can manage the use of cellphones and computers more wisely. 

The most important thing that we should focus on is minimizing exposure, building our immune system by eating good clean food, mostly raw living foods from the earth.  The healthier we are, the better we can cope with the various forms of pollution around us.  Go barefoot and ground yourself daily, for at least 20 minutes or more to release EMF build up in the body too.  Eating ferments, superfoods, and as much organic raw foods can be truly beneficial in protecting you.  Wheatgrass (chlorophyll) and Spirulina (blue-green algae) are excellent to protect against radiation, be sure to buy an organic product and buy the powder form, not tablets. Apparently onion and garlic is also good.

A very good friend and Natural Doctor shared a very useful website with me recently, to help and enlighten others on the dangers of EMF.  The website is designed by Jeromy Johnson, a safe technology advocate. The purpose of his website is to help you reduce the EMF pollution in your life and to help people who have already had their health negatively affected by electromagnetic fields (EMF). Jeromy learnt this the hard way himself and he hopes that others will learn from his experience.

Do you know that there are actually EMF Refugees?  You will find them on Jeromy's website. Yes, these are people who have experienced such severe health issues that they have had to move out of the city to EMF free zones.

Jeromy Johnson says: "I have a master’s degree in Civil & Environmental Engineering and I have worked at a large Silicon Valley firm for 15 years. One of the focuses of my studies was air pollution. Little did I know that I would be revisiting this topic later in life. Even though it is invisible to the naked eye, man-made pulsed digital microwave radiation is one of the most potent and fastest growing sources of air pollution in our world. It may seem invisible to you now, but perceptions shift as humanity evolves. Within our lifetimes, the truth about this toxin will become evident." 

Nourish your body better to build stronger immunity, it is vital! Also...visit Jeromy's site for guidance and solutions on EMF at www.emfanalysis.com 

So...what do you think of these two wheeled self-balancing machines?

Be Well!

x

#emf 

Sacrificing Health and Wellness in the Pursuit of Financial Success

Let us not forget the true value of health and wellness; and living life purposefully, and to the fullest, whilst we pursue financial success.  

I want to share with you Steve Jobs' Last Words.  I see that there is some speculation around whether he said this or not....nevertheless....it is a good read and helps bring some perspective:


I reached the pinnacle of success in the business world. In others’ eyes, my life is an epitome of success.

However, aside from work, I have little joy. In the end, wealth is only a fact of life that I am accustomed to.

At this moment, lying on the sick bed and recalling my whole life, I realize that all the recognition and wealth that I took so much pride in, have paled and become meaningless in the face of impending death.

In the darkness, I look at the green lights from the life supporting machines and hear the humming mechanical sounds, I can feel the breath of god of death drawing closer…

Now I know, when we have accumulated sufficient wealth to last our lifetime, we should pursue other matters that are unrelated to wealth…

Should be something that is more important:
Perhaps relationships, perhaps art, perhaps a dream from younger days

Non-stop pursuing of wealth will only turn a person into a twisted being, just like me.

God gave us the senses to let us feel the love in everyone’s heart, not the illusions brought about by wealth.

The wealth I have won in my life I cannot bring with me. What I can bring is only the memories precipitated by love.

That’s the true riches which will follow you, accompany you, giving you strength and light to go on.

Love can travel a thousand miles. Life has no limit. Go where you want to go. Reach the height you want to reach. It is all in your heart and in your hands.

What is the most expensive bed in the world? Sick bed…
You can employ someone to drive the car for you, make money for you but you cannot have someone to bear the sickness for you.

Material things lost can be found. But there is one thing that can never be found when it is lost – Life.

When a person goes into the operating room, he will realize that there is one book that he has yet to finish reading – Book of Healthy Life.

Whichever stage in life we are at right now, with time, we will face the day when the curtain comes down.

Treasure Love for your family, love for your spouse, love for your friends.

Treat yourself well. Cherish others.



Remember that your Health is your Wealth....and the number one pillar upon which you should build your life foundation. 


Be Well
Jess
X

What Is Love?

How do you define Love?  Can you define Love?  What is true Love?

There are two types of Love

There is Human Love and Spiritual Love.  What is the difference?

Human Love

Human Love has expectations and disappointments. People hold different views and opinions on what Love is, and define it by their own personal needs and selfish desires. For example:  I will Love you if you do.........for me, and if you look......a certain way, and maybe even dress a certain way!  Some believe that they can only feel love if these needs are met.  Human Love can be demanding.  It comes with rules and conditions. We want others to Love us as we are, yet we place so many boundaries on them. Love cannot exist with parameters, and so it never lasts and is ever fleeting!

Do you feel that you have to be in a relationship in order to experience Love?  Do you believe that Love is outside of yourself?  Human Love is a Love that seeks outside recognition and acknowledgement, often through another being.

What rules have you created around Love?  Does it restrict your capacity to experience...to feel...to receive...to give Love?  Ask yourself honestly. What are your conditions? What limitations are you setting for yourself?  Do you want a Love that is bound with conditions, or do you want to experience a deep and profound Love?  Do you want a Divine Love? What is Divine Love?

Divine Love

Divine Love is an inward out experience, not an outward in experience.  Divine Love is your inner Source of being and true Essence.  It can be found at the very center of your Soul...of your Self.  It is something that you experience on a very deep level within and it can be poured out to the world abundantly...and felt abundantly...when accessed!  The love within you is limitless!  It has no conditions and expectations, it is all inclusive and brings joy in giving.

You can experience your Essence and Divine Love by learning to be present and capturing the feeling of simply being your Self.  Look at life and at people with fresh new eyes....with the curiosity of a child...and this will reveal the love that was there always, just waiting to be found.

The fulfillment that you will experience from seeing the true source of Love in you....is Desire...in its Purest form....the Desire to give Love without conditions, not the Human Desire that is needy.

Why Do We Seek Love?

We only tend to seek Love when we feel that something is missing...when we feel unfulfilled.  This is a result of living a life that we are not connected to.  What are you seeking really?  If you look honestly....your seeking may in fact be looking for something other than Love...perhaps security....acceptance....freedom? Becoming fully connected within, and living with passion, will bring a life of joy.

When you are seeking Love...what you don't realize is that what you are truly seeking is the Self.  What you truly desire is to experience the reality of this Self.....you want to experience the vibrancy of being Alive!

Stop looking for Love and learn to access Love where you are.  You do not realize that your desire to seek Love is actually your desire to find your Nature.  You want to experience the Essence of Love...deep down you know that this is your True Nature. We must understand that our relationships are just spiritual teachers and not true sources of Love.

On Union

I am not saying that we must depend only on Divine Love.  We are humans and need to experience union with another. We are social beings and this connection is important....but....we must seek to bring Divine Love into our human relationships more to experience fulfillment and happiness.

It is important to remember that we need to show actions of Love, and behave in ways that are kind and loving, to one another.  If you find yourself in a relationship that does not reciprocate, this is not healthy, and can sap you.  There needs to be a mutual sharing and desire and commitment to loving and supporting each other, in a way that will bring out the best in each another.


Access your inner source and wealth of Love...it is there always...just waiting for you!

#Love #Divine #Soul #Spiritual #Union #Essence #Nature

Talking To Your Body for Health and Healing

(This post was featured as a Guest Article on Danette May, America's Leading Healthy Lifestyle Expert)

Do you know that our thoughts, feelings, beliefs and attitudes can negatively affect our biological functioning? Our minds can affect how healthy our bodies are!  Today I want to share with you....Mind Body Medicine....

What is Mind-Body Medicine?

The University of Maryland Medical Centre states: "Mind-body medicine uses the power of thoughts and emotions to influence physical health. As Hippocrates once wrote, "The natural healing force within each one of us is the greatest force in getting well. "This is mind-body medicine in a nutshell."

The History of Mind-Body Medicine

"The concept that the mind is important in health and illness dates back to ancient times. In the West, the notion that mind and body were separate began during the Renaissance and Enlightenment eras. Increasing numbers of scientific and technological discoveries furthered this split and led to an emphasis on disease-based models, pathological changes, and external cures. The role of mind and belief in health and illness began to re-enter Western health care in the 20th century, led by discoveries about pain control via the placebo effect and effects of stress on health." (NIH, 2016)

    

Mind-body medicine focuses on: The ways in which emotional, mental, social, spiritual, experiential, and behavioral factors can directly affect health. (NIH, 2016)

spiritualbharat.org

Ancient healing practices like Traditional Chinese Medicine and Ayurvedic Medicine have always emphasized the links between the mind and the body. Holistic Practitioners of Eastern Medicine, Homeopathic Practitioners, Drs of Naturopathy, and recently Doctors of Osteopathic Medicine in Western Medicine, understand the relationship between our physical body and emotions. Western Medicine is now beginning to agree with these ancient practices.

• In 1964, a psychologist George Solomon, investigated the impact emotions had on inflammation and the immune system, when patients worsened with depression
• In 1975, a psychologist, Robert Ader, found mental and emotional cues affected the immune system. 
• In the late 1960's, Herbert Benson, Clinical Professor of Medicine at Harvard University, created the phrase 'relaxation response' to describe physiological changes that occur with meditation. He discovered this while doing secret research and observing meditation practitioners.  Though there was public acceptance of mind-body connection in those days, it was seen as taboo by Western Medicine. He was reprimanded for publishing his book 'relaxation response'...but...
• By 1994 Benson's found the Mind/Body Medical Institute at Harvard University.

Understanding Mind and Body Medicine Today

Since the advent of new technology...Western Medicine is now finding that the mind, brain and biological systems are in fact working together to affect our health!

Western Medicine now states…"There is no real division between mind and body because of networks of communication that exist between the brain and neurological, endocrine and immune systems."

" There is no doubt that when you take it to the next level, the mind and the body are connected, and that when those connections are intact and in balance you have health 
and when they're broken you have disease."

 Esther Sternberg MD, University of Arizona

 

How Does Mind-Body Medicine Work?

When physically or emotionally stressed the body releases stress hormones that affect your systems and organs, this can disrupt heart and immune function, while depression and distress can diminish the body's natural capacity to heal.

It has been found that certain emotions have been associated with disease eg. hostile attitudes increase heart disease, obesity, insulin resistance, and abnormal cholesterol. High blood pressure is associated with feelings of hopelessness. How one deals with their emotions determine how long they will survive with chronic disease.

Mind-body medicine techniques help the mind and body to relax and reduce the level of stress hormones in the body, helping you achieve homeostasis by balancing the parasympathetic system (rest and digest) and sympathetic system (fight or flight), allowing the immune system to fight illness effectively.

Taking care of our emotional well-being is so important for the health of our body, and creating a healthy dialogue between body and mind can help bring harmony.

How Self-Talk and Mind-Body Medicine Helped Me:

I began experiencing the benefits of Mind-Body Medicine in 2007 when I explored meditation practice.  I also learnt natural therapies like Emotional Freedom Technique that worked with stress and emotions.  By combining these practices along with good lifestyle habits and eating healthy living foods, I experienced amazing results!

Exercise - I prefer quiet when I exercise, as opposed to the loud music found in gyms. This allows me to listen to my breath for single pointed focus.  I tune into my body and talk to it for improved performance.

Health and Healing -  I do this in bed before I sleep, because our bodies heal during sleep. I place my hand on my heart to connect with Soul center, this is important because it is the center of your being (body, Soul, mind), and I talk to my body and encourage it to use its innate intelligence to heal.  Sometimes I visualize the areas that need healing.

Reduce Stress and Improve Sleep -  I connect with my body at any moment of the night or day, when under stress, and reassure it that all will be okay.  I do breath-work meditations - I breathe in for 4 counts, hold for 7, and breathe out for 8, this slows down the heart and induces sleep.

Importantly...I like to observe the problem and try learn what the experience is teaching me. 

I have been practicing Self-Talk since 2007. It has helped me to get through my greatest challenges in 2014 and 2015.

Mind Body exercises that give Olympic Athletes the edge

Self Talk:  
To sharpen skills and improve technique a golfer will tell himself  "swing at the hip". To build strength and confidence before the game motivational self talk is used to get their energy flowing eg. "I can do this".  

Visualization:
Athletes performs a mental exercise with visualization. They mentally rehearse the process and visualize the desired performance. Science shows that this visualization technique is a mental exercise that conditions your mind and body to act accordingly in the real world - and that brings results!

Reframing
This teaches them to look at the event from a different perspective, to look at their failures as learning opportunities.  Reframing gives athletes power and resilience to keep pushing ahead.

Meditation
This is growing in popularity with many athletes.  Simple 15 to 30 minute breathing meditations improve focus and concentration, bringing them to a state of 'Flow' and 'being in the zone' - highly energized and focused, with a loss of sense of time and self.

Quotes from Meditating Celebrities:

"In moments of madness, meditation has helped me find moments of serenity."

Sir Paul McCartney

"Meditation is helping you to tap into something that's already inside of you....that's you, in essence.  That's something that was super-empowering for me 
once I grasped that."

Cameron Diaz

"In meditation, I can let go of everything. I'm not Hugh Jackman. I'm not a dad. I'm not a husband. I'm just dipping into that powerful source that creates everything. I take a little bath in it.  Nothing has ever opened my eyes like Transcendental Meditation has. It makes me calm and happy, and well, it gives me some peace and quiet in what's a pretty chaotic life!"

Hugh Jackman

The Connection - Mind Your Body Documentary

I recommend this great documentary to learn more about Mind and Body healing....

References: 
NIH Research Portfolio Online Reporting Tools (2016). Mind Body Medicine Practices in Complementary and Alternative Medicine.  Available at:  https://report.nih.gov/nihfactsheets/viewfactsheet.aspx?csid=102 (Accessed: 10 February 2016).

Steven Handel (2016). Four Mental Exercises Olympic Athletes Use To Gain that Extra Edge. Available at: http://www.theemotionmachine.com/4-mental-exercises-olympic-athletes-use-to-gain-that-extra-edge  (Accessed:  26 January 2016)

Transcendental Meditation (2016).  Famous people who meditate. Available at:  http://tmhome.com/experiences/famous-people-who-meditate/  (Accessed: 26 January 2016).

University of Maryland Medical Centre (2016). Mind-body medicine. Available at:  https://umm.edu/health/medical/altmed/treatment/mindbody-medicine (Accessed: 26 January 2016).

Vicki Brower (2016). Mind-body research moves towards the mainstream.  Available at: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1456909/ (Accessed: 26 January 2016).

#body #soul #mind #medicine #healing 

Why Women Compete?

Have you struggled with this? Having trouble understanding why this has happened?

Women often find that when they endeavor to accomplish their goals, instead of supporting, other women will attempt to compete or sabotage. Let's look at common reasons for this.  Here is a combination of my personal insights and some experiences from a Life Coach, Mia Redrick:

Insecurity

When a woman becomes aware of another woman's power, beauty or talent; she will either admire, copy or envy.

Women who admire strength in others understand the hard work, commitment and self-improvement it takes to achieve this. These women do not waste energy on envy because they identify with this through their path and challenges to success in life and career.

Other women will admire a successful women, but sadly attempt to become a copy of her!  Duplicating is impossible and will not bring fulfillment. This woman has not accepted herself, her strengths and gifts; she believes that everything good is outside of herself.  She will waste energy creating a false version of herself based on others dreams. This women is not true to herself.  Knowing the effort it takes to focus on planning one's life and making the best choices, can you imagine the thought processes that it must take for this kind of women to constantly study another before being able to make her own choices?  It must be exhausting!

The women who envies does not like herself.  Seeing another women shine drives her to prove that she is better. Envy can occur through past experiences of not feeling good enough.  A confident women will trigger this reminder. A women who envies will try to protect herself from future hurt. This is dangerous and takes a deep inner shift in thinking.

 

In Business

The struggle to achieve recognition in the work place, especially due to inequality with men, has led women to become aggressive and controlling. They have the misconception that they need to conquer and control to achieve. This is destructive!

 

Lack of Abundance

Big minds see a pasture while small minds see a plot of grass.  Stop living in fear of scarcity!  Opportunity is everywhere and abundant.  Living in a state of thankfulness is fulfilling and will open you up to endless possibilities!

 

Self Approval

When we don't feel good enough we seek external acceptance. When we work on our inner world and thoughts, and experience personal growth, we come to understand that we are good enough, because we find peace with ourselves.  No peace means no joy!

Seeking Acceptance

You will never truly feel acceptance through being liked by others, not until you truly like yourself.  Don't let the voice of others drown out your own inner voice. Improve the state of your heart and mind and follow your own inner voice.

 

Expression

Women have a hard time expressing aggression, as they were taught not to.  Boys are allowed to kick and punch while girls must be 'nice'!  Aggression is natural and needs to come out.  This has caused girls to become masters of indirect aggression and backhanded compliments.  They have learnt that psychological warfare does more damage than physical attack...and so they abuse it!  Learn to express your discontent in a more positive way.

 

Beauty Standards

Women try to live up to society's expectations in order to feel accepted.  Women care more about the opinions of other women than men, and so it is very easy to undermine a woman by criticizing her appearance. We live in a society that measures women by their beauty, and so beauty becomes a currency and target for attack. Competing with other women distracts us from the real problem. The problem is power, politics, and money, and companies that make a fortune off trying to sell beauty to women who feel that they are not good enough! Competition serves only the status quo and keeps women from gaining more power in their lives, work and relationships.

 

My Personal Journey 

I think all women, at some point in their lives, have been either on the receiving end or guilty of such actions against another woman.  I found that I began to lose interest in competing with women around 2007, at the age of 32.  This was when I started to take a close look at myself and my life. I realized that I needed to do some work on my inner world, my fears and attachments, to find inner peace, and learn to deal with a sometimes difficult and harsh world.  Meditation brought me closer to my true Self and helped me to tune into my intuition. It brought more clarity.  I found an endless fountain of inner joy was accessible at any time, and a great deal of confidence  arose too.  I am happy with myself and value my strengths and talents.  I focus on just being me...and living life!  I would not want to be anyone else but myself.

At the same time, I began to see the beauty and gifts in others.  I love inspiring others, helping them to see their gifts and talents too, encouraging them to shine.  I admire strength in other women, as I have endured some real challenges in life, and overcome many obstacles, and so I understand and value this in another.

I really have steadily grown to become very confident since 2007, some major growth was in 2010, and 2012 to 2015.  Don't get me wrong, life is not perfect. I do have challenges like anyone else.  In fact the last two years have been so incredibly tough, that I am surprised that I survived it!  Sometimes I wish that it was possible to vacate to another planet...haha!  But...I focus on working with my inner world and my own stuff. I do not have a care in the world to compete with anyone. Women who lack confidence sometimes react very negatively to confident women, and may insist that the confidence is false.

My personal growth, and confidence, was not taken well by someone close to me, she misinterpreted, or should I say 'projected' her insecurities by telling myself and others, constantly, that I am arrogant and that I think that I am better than others.  No one is better than anyone.  We are all important, precious and valuable in our own unique way.  This woman is beautiful and talented, and wishes to accomplish goals, but her friends never support her.  They keep stopping her and telling her that she is fine as she is. I can see that they know her potential and don't want to see her shine. I realize that this is why she has subconsciously been unsupportive of me.  Sometimes when people start believing that they are not good enough and not worthy, they hold onto company that will support that belief.

Learn to have compassion and grace for competitive women.  This will ensure that you respond more positively to their actions. Try to understand what motivates them.

How Can We Overcome Competing?

 

• Focus on your Self wholistically - body, Soul and mind - care for this vessel that carries you by nourishing your body well. If you take care of yourself you will look and feel good. Nurture your Soul and enjoy the simple things in life. Learn to see unhealthy thought patterns and let go of them.  Take time out for stillness and look within, learn mindfulness practice and meditation.  Try yoga, it has an amazing way of connecting you deeply within. You will connect with your true self and nature. Your internal compass will begin to direct you.  You will become more peaceful, happy, grounded and confident.  

• Want for your sisters what you would want for yourself - celebrate in the success of other women.  Compliment and support them when they do well.  Know that by supporting each other you can achieve so much more for women as a whole on this planet! 

• Confidence comes from Knowing Thyself - stop being what others expect you to be and stop living according to others expectations. When you connect with your true self, your talents will come forth; and your inner beauty and radiance, from living according to your own true will and intent, will truly shine! 

• Stop Competing and be your own Master - at the end of the day, you are not here to be better than anyone else.  Life is not a competition of who is better than who.  You are here to truly get to know yourself and to learn and to conquer your own fears and challenges....not conquer others! 

 Mastering ourselves requires that we devote our whole strength and Soul, thus Mastery demands all of a person; and so, we cannot Master ourselves if we devote energy to Mastering others.

 

 

 

 

#confidence #beauty #women #competition

Sources: huffington post 

Divorce and the Sacred Union of Marriage!

I feel that marriage is a Sacred Union.  I did not believe in divorce, I never thought I would get divorced. But...I also didn't think that this union was going to be disrespected in such a way. 

People say marriage isn't easy...you have to work at it.  Yes...I agree...but you have to want to work at it together...if your partner is not interested, you are wasting your time.

Some people are lucky...they get to enjoy all the joys and pleasures of first marrying...and it is these special moments that can help carry you through when things get tough.  But...what if you didn't even get to enjoy these first moments...what if your marriage never even had the chance to begin?  You never went through honeymoon phase...you never had the chance to bond....there was no love and union....just constant fighting and third party interference?

What is the greatest threat to your marriage?  I will tell you...it is not outsiders...it is in fact those closest to you.  The greatest threat to your marriage is your own family...your parents!  Your parents have the greatest influence in your life.  And...if you don't take control of your marriage and lay down boundaries from the start...you are going to have serious problems.  If your partner undermines you and constantly gives a parent power in your marriage...it is doomed...I can promise you! 

My mother in law had full control in my marriage...she did what she wanted and could get away with absolutely anything. Why?  Because she was held higher and respected and loved over and above me...I did not come first and did not have rights in my marriage.  It was family indoctrination and control.  I have a good friend who is going through the very same thing right now....his wife is constantly undermining him with her father and giving the father power in her marriage, sadly.


Commitment:
The union of marriage is between you and your husband/wife.  You need to protect that and make a commitment that you will not allow anyone to threaten it. Your husband/wife should come first...not your mother or father.  If you find yourself being more committed to your parent than your spouse you need to learn to grow up...and fast! When you leave your parents home, you create your own home and you commit to your spouse.

Boundaries:
Together...you need to create and set boundaries, when these boundaries are crossed, you both need to discuss how you are going to handle the situation and resolve it together.  Do not allow your parents to over step your boundaries.  If you do not make these boundaries clear from the start...they will have no respect for your marriage whatsoever, and will do whatever they please. 

At no point should you report to your parents on your whereabouts, they have no right to keep phoning and questioning you as to what you are doing, where you are and what your daily or weekly plans are.  If they do...tell them to get a life!  You must live by your own rules when you marry...do not continue to live by your parents rules.  

*I can tell you that I used to envy couples who packed up and moved far away, or abroad, to begin their own lives...how wonderful to build your own life together.  I always wished to do the same.  I was prepared to go to all lengths to save my marriage!

Communication:
There needs to be open communication between you and your spouse.  You should not be choosing to confide in things with your mother and father instead of your spouse.  Do not make any decisions with your parents without your spouses knowledge and consent first.  When your spouse is trying to communicate their concerns regarding your relationship, listen, do not silence them.  You need to work things out together.  At no point do you argue and say “I do things my way”.  Is there not a 'We' here?

Respect:
Treat your spouse with respect.  Do not allow your family to be abusive and disrespectful.  If you respect your parents over and above your spouse you are going to begin treating your spouse with the same disrespect that your parents do.  There is nothing worse than being constantly disrespected by your in-laws and having your spouse take their side and leave you standing alone.  What is worse is when your spouse tries to silence you and stop you from speaking up for yourself.  While we should love and respect our parents...I believe that respect should never rise above and beyond the respect of your spouse and 'Sacred Union'!

Privacy & Sharing:
If your spouse is demanding privacy all the time, it is time to move on, there is no union here.  If he/she is not wanting to share anything, even simple little things in the home, know that there is no 'We' here...it is not going to work. There cannot be a 'yours' and 'mine'...not when you are 'One'.

Nurturing your Well-being & Passions:
When you love your partner you will want to support them and help them to realize their passions and dreams.  You will allow them the space to nurture their Soul and care for their health and well-being which will build a stronger union.

Health Relationships:
You will allow your spouse to have friendships and share your home with friends so that you can both enjoy healthy relationships and connections in your life. It is unhealthy to cut yourself off from connecting socially.  We are social beings and need to learn and grow through the experience of interacting with others.

Love:
Telling your partner you love them is not enough...you need to show love.  If you allow the dissatisfaction of your parents to upset you so much that you distance yourself from your partner intimately,  you simply do not truly love your partner.  No one outside of your marriage should upset you enough that you distance your love from your spouse...ever...no one!  Do not deliberately hold back from giving love...do not keep turning your partner away.  You have made a lifetime commitment to your partner...remember who is going to be with you at the end when everyone has passed on.

Bribery & Manipulation:
Do not allow your parents at any point to manipulate you with money and material things to win you over from your spouse.  If dangling carrots works for you...then you need to grow up and sort your priorities fast!

Speak Your Word:
It is very important to speak out against harmful actions and bad behavior.  You have rights and should make it clear to your parents.  We can express ourselves in a positive way without being abusive.  Do not be silenced and allow things to fester and deteriorate beyond repair.  Always speak your word and clear yourself with the other person and make them aware of how you feel.  

*I wrote a 5 page letter to my mother-in-law two days before my divorce in August 2015.  Expressing yourself and clearing yourself this way is important, so that you don't carry baggage, and so that you release all this energy and not end up with disease through carrying anger and resentment.  If you are harboring bad feelings against someone I suggest you write the person a letter, if you can't give it to them, just write it and then burn it to release it.  I can tell you that repressing emotions can cause serious damage to your health – body, Soul and mind!  Speak your mind...Clear it...Let it go!

I experienced some very cruel, deep and harmful actions from my mother-in-law.  I tried to understand that this was due to her past baggage. But...there is a fine line between love and attachment – it is emotional incest.  I worked incredibly hard to protect my marriage for thirteen years...from day 1...and failed consistently...because I was working at it alone.  I spent a lot of time and money trying to fix it...I didn't want to give up.  In the end...I lost respect...and I knew it was time to move on when it began to affect my values and morals.

 In the first three years I drank myself to sleep.  In the next two years I was on anti-depressants.  And then...thankfully...a deeper part of me knew that "There had to be more to life than this"!  I began taking meditation classes from 2007...and that began to transform me body, Soul and mind, and give me the strength that I needed. I began to awaken...started taking better care of myself and following natural health and alternative therapies.

A friend gave me an affirmation that I would repeat often to help me get through over the years:

"I Feel I Am All Powerful...I Feel I Am All Worthy...

I Feel I Am All Loving....I Feel I Am All Deserving"

I have no regrets about my failed marriage.  It took me to my deepest darkest places, and it Awakened me, and gave me tremendous growth and great strength. In the process of my shifting and spiritual growth, it would have been wonderful if the relationship shifted to an inclusive, loving, respectful and committed one...but it did not.  My spiritual growth helped me to outgrow many fears.  It also taught me to learn to let go.  

Marriage will not work without commitment...it takes two.  It is a Sacred Union...and should be respected as such. 

Sometimes divorce is necessary!











#divorce #marriage #boundaries #relationships

The Rewards Of Living With Gratitude!

  

"If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough." - Meister Eckhart 

 

The word gratitude is derived from the Latin word gratia, which means:  grace, graciousness, or gratefulness.  

Gratitude is a thankful appreciation for what we have received in life...be it tangible (an actual gift/object) or intangible (a kind thought/action).   It encourages us to acknowledge the goodness in our lives.  In the process, we come to recognize that the source of goodness lies partially outside ourselves.  And so....gratitude helps us to connect to something larger than ourselves — whether to other people, nature, or a higher power.  We learn to count our blessings and life's simple pleasures.  

Gratitude shifts our focus from what we lack to the abundance that is already present.  Much research has been done on the behavioural and psychological benefits of practicing gratitude. Research shows surprising life improvements.

Research Into Effects of Gratitude Practice

According to Harvard Medical School:  'Expressing thanks may be one of the simplest ways to feel better.'  In positive psychology research, gratitude shows strong and consistent association with greater happiness. It helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, deal with adversity, strengthen relationships, build resilience, improves health, and reduces stress.

Two psychologists, Dr. Robert A. Emmons of the University of California, Davis, and Dr. Michael E. McCullough of the University of Miami:  did a study asking participants to write a few sentences weekly focusing on particular topics.  The first group listed things to be grateful for, the second listed daily issues that aggravated them, and the third group listed issues that affected them (with no emphasis on the positive or negative aspect).  After 10 weeks the gratitude group showed more optimism, they felt better about life in general, they exercised more and had less GP visits than the aggravated group.

Studies looking at the benefit of gratitude in relationships:  showed that couples expressing gratitude, were more positive toward each other and more comfortable expressing their concerns about the relationship.

Research in the workplace shows that:  Managers who say thank you to their staff find that employees feel more motivated to work harder. 

Ways to Practice Gratitude:

 

Notice and Appreciate Daily Gifts and Simple Acts of Kindness:  Imagine not having the simplest pleasures of seeing or hearing?  Contemplate the kindness of others, the process, logistics and hard work, and effort, that goes into creating and providing you with things as simple as - water through a tap, the chair you sit on, the clothes you wear.  Give thanks for this

Write a Thank You note:  Let someone know what a difference they have made in your life. If you have not thanked them properly...do so now. 

Keep a Gratitude Journal:  Make a note daily, or whenever you can remember, of events or experiences in your day to be grateful for.  

Count Your Blessings:  Be grateful for all the things that worked out well for you in your day.  And...as you lay in bed before falling asleep, instead of counting sheep count your blessings.  Give thanks for all that you have, you could even start with something as small as your pillow; this will help you to relax and sleep much better.

Meditate:  Mindfulness meditation involves focusing on the present moment without judgment.  Be grateful for this moment. Take 10 minutes out of your day to sit still and mentally give thanks. 

When you practice gratitude you will begin to appreciate and notice the simple things in life. Learn to constantly look for the good...even in unpleasant situations...know that these moments are serving you and preparing you for greater things.  Instead of waiting for positive experiences to come to you....you can create them daily through mastering the practice of gratitude.  This practice will bring about great changes and rewards to your life!

A poem on Gratitude that you can read when you are having a tough day:

Be Thankful

Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire,

If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don’t know something

For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.

During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations

Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge

Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes

They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you’re tired and weary

Because it means you’ve made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.

A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are

also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles

and they can become your blessings.

Author Unknown

With Love and Gratitude!

Jess

x

 health.harvard.edu, thechangeblog.com,

Facing Your Fears!

I grew up with a very big group of amazing friends and we spent most years of our lives at the beach or the local pool, almost daily!  I was really comfortable in my skin and lived life to the full.  That all changed when I moved into an overprotective environment in the last thirteen years, and so, the restrictions and limitations slowly but surely got a hold of me and I began to become a little conscious of myself and uncomfortable in my own skin!

Now that I have freed myself from that environment....I am working on freeing myself from all its disempowerments and baggage! So....I got brave and posted these fun, silly pics of me on the beach....to break the fear that I had developed of being photographed in a bikini. The more I look at them...I become a little more comfortable...and I realize that it is not all that bad and I am actually in great shape for someone about to hit 40 lol!  Well...some friends were encouraging too!

I have achieved many things in the last 15 years and have become quite strong, confident and resilient in the process.  However...after deep introspection...I became conscious that this small little discomfort along with a few other little fears was lurking beneath...and so I started to work on eliminating it.

Everyone is afraid of something.  The difference between you and someone who is successful is this....Successful people are willing to face their fears and work through them in order to progress and succeed.

Not allowing yourself to overcome your fears holds you back from achieving your dreams and success.  If you don't learn to face your fears it will take a hold of you body, Soul and mind!  Learn to work on your fears...slowly dissipating them until the feeling of threat lessens.

12 Steps To Give Those Fears The Boot!

 

1) Write Down Your Fears
Write down your fears, its possible origins and how it could be holding you back. Reflect on it and observe it without judgement. Becoming conscious of this and the sources of your fears will help lesson the hold over you. Writing it down helps you to release it.

2) Create a Ladder of Your Fears
List them on a scale of 1 to 10....10 being the worst, and start eliminating the easiest. It could be as simple as being too shy to start a conversation with a stranger. Ease yourself into it...start by simply smiling and greeting people you normally wouldn't each day.

3) Step Into Your Fears
Face the thing things that frighten you, one at a time, starting with the smaller ones.  Allow yourself to be exposed more and more to the situation till you feel a little more comfortable. Your world will expand as your courage expands.  Open up your world and be willing to move beyond your comfort zone!  This will build courage for achieving greater things.

4) Relax and Reassure Your Body
The body speaks the mind...so when you you are in fear and your mind jumps on that hamster wheel...anxiety hits!  The body then reacts in a negative way!  Speak to your body to encourage it, calm it, and relax it.  Say to yourself:  "This fear will pass". Breathe slowly and deeply....taking in more oxygen will relax you. Focus on relaxing and releasing the tension in your muscles and body from head to toe...relax that  tight jaw and release your clenched fists...and so on. Just let go!

5) Journal Past Accomplishments
Make a list of all your past successes from as early as you can remember.   It could even be from the time you learnt to ride a bike or swim. Reflect on your successes through each decade. It will motivate and inspire you to believe that you can achieve more!

6) Lose the Story
Fear is an Illusion.  Stop running the painful story and past dramas in your head....it just feeds the fear. Create positive experiences in the Now...live in the moment!

7) Laugh at Your Fears
Look into your fears carefully and notice just how silly and disempowering they possibly may be.  How on earth could you let them steal your Personal Power like that?

8) Celebrate Life
Learn to think, live and speak with a more positive attitude. Avoid negative forms of media.  Do things that inspire and uplift you!

9) Live Boldy & Learn New Things
Bring back the Child within you...be brave...and allow yourself to explore new things fearlessly!  Your life will never be boring again...I promise you!

10) Tell Your Fear to Get Lost!
Let go of feeling embarrassed, silly, stupid, rejected. Accept failures...learn from it...get over it...and move on!

11) Help Others Achieve
Support others in overcoming their challenges and fears. Team up with a friend....support one another in overcoming these obstacles and achieving these goals together!

12) View Life as an Adventure!
Allow life to simply flow through you without resistance...everything - beauty, challenges and tragedy.  Just breathe your way through it.  Allow yourself to feel and experience and be open to the lessons that they may bring. Be Grateful, live in the Moment, enjoy the Journey!  Just breathe...deep breathing is so calming and and healing....get in all that oxygen...and remember to ground yourself and stand barefoot on the earth often for good health!

F-E-A-R has two meanings:

1. Forget Everything And Run

or 

2. Face Everything And Rise

The Choice Is Yours!

I also practice a therapy known as EFT...Emotional Freedom Technique...it is very powerful in eliminating fears.  If you would like to experience it....give me a call.  If you would like to learn this technique to help yourself...let me know...and we can book a session.

Kick Fear In The Butt Now...What Are You Waiting For?

Big Hugs

Jess

The Importance of Having a Mentor

If you ask many successful people how they did it....many of them will probably tell you that there was a Mentor behind their success.

Having a Mentor in life, or maybe even a few, can help you to keep focused, especially when the going gets tough!  So much more can be achieved when people work together.  Choosing a Mentor will encourage you to have a lifelong vision and goal!  You will...more than likely...stick to the path much longer than you may have, should you have decided to take it alone!

I would say that I was, thankfully, always very confident and a go-getter in life.  I wasn't afraid of taking up a challenge or trying to achieve the impossible.  And...I would have to admit that it was in fact my mom that did condition me in this way from the start, she did empower me as a woman in a very positive way, and helped me to believe that nothing was impossible.  While, due to some challenges, I didn't exactly get to follow the career path that I wanted to at the time of completing high school, which would more than likely have been graphic design (since I was a very passionate artist), I did work hard at achieving many other goals along the way.

I would say that my confidence in walking my own path lasted from around 6 years old up until about 28...ha ha!  At this point in my life....I began to experience some real big challenges!  I had encountered some relationships that were very suppressing and dis-empowering...which eventually got the better of me...leading me to question my ability and self-worth.  This was quite a knock for me...especially coming from an empowering background...but it was a lesson that I needed to experience!  At this point...I began to lose my creative passion and stopped drawing and painting.

By the age of 32....I started to focus on working with this turmoil of my inner world - body, Soul and mind.  I was learning to understand that happiness was a choice, and my feelings were my responsibility, and no one could take my joy away without me handing it over to them on a silver platter!

It was at this moment that I decided to bring Mentors into my life. I wanted to connect with people who had walked the path and arrived at where I was hoping to head!  I knew that I wanted to help others and make a difference in this world.  I wanted to make this a lifelong goal...and I wanted to surround myself with the right support to help me see it through the storms.  From here on, my path began moving in the direction of Natural Health and Wellness - helping others body, Soul and mind. I am now 39.

A Mentor Will Help You Get Started

The hardest part to accomplishing anything is getting started!  A Mentor will help you to act on your dreams and goals and will kick start you into taking that first step.  A Mentor will provide that spark and guidance to get you going when you need it most!

A Mentor Will Be Dead Honesty

A friend will always tell you what you want to hear, but a Mentor will tell you the cold, hard, honest truth! Why? Because a Mentor's primary objective is to help you achieve success, and they would rather you have a day of tension than a life of regret.

A Mentor Will Eliminate Your Weaknesses

While your friends will simply put up with your weaknesses...a Mentor will help bring those weakness to the surface and help you to work with them and remove them entirely!  While their primary role is to be your Mentor...their secondary role is to be your Friend!  So...you can be sure that they will stretch you...and help to prune you of all those things that may be holding you back.

A Mentor Will Encourage You

When you experience uncertainty and self-doubt, a Mentor will be there to help lift your spirits.  A simple email or message, with a different perspective, will help you to see the light and encourage you to overcome that hurdle!  A good Mentor will help bring out the best in you, and see your potential when you don't.  A Mentor will reassure you...because they have walked the path...and have had to overcome many hurdles themselves before tasting success.

A Mentor Is A Resource For Life

Once you have built this relationship and connection...it will remain...for Life...whether you move up and on.  Reaching your goal...and success...does not mean that you have finally arrived and now know it all!  It is a lifelong journey of learning.  A Mentor will always be there, for you to check in with once in a while, to just simply share, get some perspective...or insight.

My Mentors

I have a number of Mentors - A Spiritual Mentor, A Health Mentor, and a number of Artist Mentors that are just popping up right now to help me to get these Artist hands back...and mostly...to help spark my Creativity!


What is it that you want to achieve in life?  Do you have Mentors to help you stick it out?  Look to connect with people who have achieved the very same goals that you wish to.  Don't be afraid to ask for help.  Even if you don't know them...simply reach out and ask if they wouldn't mind being a Mentor and giving advice or opinion...from time to time...to help you on your journey. You will be surprised at how forthcoming they will be!

And...by the way...I am writing this post today...because I have encountered a really awful challenge!  It was immobilizing me!  Just thinking of my greatest Mentor is helping me to keep moving.  I am slowly getting my Mojo back...ha ha!  

Do you need some encouragement today?  Get a Mentor and get going.... 


Wishing you all the best on your path of Passion and Success!

Jess

Mother & Son Entanglement

I am writing about a very sensitive topic today...but it is necessary and important to bring awareness to the dangers of this matter.  I have witnessed the damage first hand with people very close to me.  Often people are not aware of how destructive their actions can be, until it is too late and the damage is already done! 

First...let's look at the difference between 'Love' and 'Attachment'....

Is it Love or Attachment?

Attachment is a need for someone to fill a void in your life or in your self-esteem.  It's the need for someone to provide a sense of stability, certainty and safety.  It's the dependence on someone to always be there to fulfill your emotional needs, and this comes with the fear of losing them...and so one clings to them in an unhealthy way.  Attachment leads to the desire to control and own. It imprisons and takes away the  freedom of others. We cannot own another being. 

Love is feelings of closeness, genuine appreciation, and concern. Love is a state of being that exists independently of others. Others can inspire us to love and act as mirrors to allow us to see the love within ourselves. Others don't make us feel love...but allow the love to flow through us in their presence as they inspire and open up to us.  Love is allowed to flow through trust, appreciation and connection.  Just as others cannot make you love...others cannot take love from you either.  Love is not delusional, needy, or based on emotional game playing. Love is not demanding or desperate, and does not depend on something or someone outside of itself to exist. Love is giving and freeing.  Love does not wish to control....and does not wish to manipulate. Love does not seek security outside of itself...Love is secure in itself.  

Crossing Boundaries  

A Mother's love is wonderful in that it can help their sons become more connected with their feelings and emotions, and thus be more emotionally intelligent in the way that they relate to the world and their relationships.  A Mother's attachment, however, can be very destructive! 

The Single Mother

The problem, may arise when a single mother unconsciously clings to her son, as she has not had the security and love of a husband.  The son may become her source of safety and security, and she may lean on him in a very demanding way. This creates a co-dependency.  The mother may cross boundaries of privacy as the son matures, causing discomfort.  The son may develop a fear and guilt of leaving her and feel obligated to stay and protect. 

The Loveless Marriage 

Another situation can arise when a mother is in an unhappy marriage, and her emotional needs are not being met by her husband.  The mother may then unconsciously depend on the son to fulfill this, and she will become very emotionally attached to him.  Sons may feel suffocated by this behavior and this results in them pulling away from their wife/partner, because they associate the need for emotional fulfillment as a sort of  neediness and suffocation, since they have experienced this with mom.  Mothers sometimes take on Supermom status making these sons feel like they are the best thing in the world.  Often these men will not mature and will remain like boys.  Boundaries are not set with the mother when these men start relationships or get married, and the wife will find herself swept aside as priority is given to mom.  Instead of mom taking in and accepting the partner as an addition to the family circle, mom will feel threatened, and find ways to manipulate the son for her own security as she fears that this woman is stealing her son. This results in emotional clinging on mom's part that can be called 'emotional incest'.  The pressure and fear, on the son's part, to please mom, is so great that he may become very defensive about his mom with his partner.  This causes a breakdown in relationships.

Creating Boundaries and Healthy Relationships 

Relationships will never last in this situation unless the son lays down boundaries and breaks the unhealthy attachment and emotional dependency of mother.   While we should still enjoy a healthy relationship with mother, and support at times, it is important to understand that the relationship with one's partner or wife should always take priority.  

When we leave our parents home to begin our own life and bond with a partner, we need to create boundaries and form our own rules.  There needs to be a mutual respect between mother and son or parents, and parents should not demand obedience and authority over the son as he has his own life to live now.

Look at your relationships with your children closely and honestly...it is not always easy to see that we are making these mistakes.  It is important to become aware and make the necessary changes to respect all and avoid hurt and damage.  Of course...one needs to remember that the same problem can also arise between fathers and daughters too.  Remember...we cannot own anyone...even children...they are a gift and should be loved and respected accordingly.

Love is not selfish or needy...Love wishes for the other to be happy.

Love and Light

xxx