Sunday, 6 December 2015

Why Women Compete?

Have you struggled with this? Having trouble understanding why this has happened?

Women often find that when they endeavor to accomplish their goals, instead of supporting, other women will attempt to compete or sabotage. Let's look at common reasons for this.  Here is a combination of my personal insights and some experiences from a Life Coach, Mia Redrick:


When a woman becomes aware of another woman's power, beauty or talent; she will either admire, copy or envy.

Women who admire strength in others understand the hard work, commitment and self-improvement it takes to achieve this. These women do not waste energy on envy because they identify with this through their path and challenges to success in life and career.

Other women will admire a successful women, but sadly attempt to become a copy of her!  Duplicating is impossible and will not bring fulfillment. This woman has not accepted herself, her strengths and gifts; she believes that everything good is outside of herself.  She will waste energy creating a false version of herself based on others dreams. This women is not true to herself.  Knowing the effort it takes to focus on planning one's life and making the best choices, can you imagine the thought processes that it must take for this kind of women to constantly study another before being able to make her own choices?  It must be exhausting!

The women who envies does not like herself.  Seeing another women shine drives her to prove that she is better. Envy can occur through past experiences of not feeling good enough.  A confident women will trigger this reminder. A women who envies will try to protect herself from future hurt. This is dangerous and takes a deep inner shift in thinking.


In Business

The struggle to achieve recognition in the work place, especially due to inequality with men, has led women to become aggressive and controlling. They have the misconception that they need to conquer and control to achieve. This is destructive!


Lack of Abundance

Big minds see a pasture while small minds see a plot of grass.  Stop living in fear of scarcity!  Opportunity is everywhere and abundant.  Living in a state of thankfulness is fulfilling and will open you up to endless possibilities!


Self Approval

When we don't feel good enough we seek external acceptance. When we work on our inner world and thoughts, and experience personal growth, we come to understand that we are good enough, because we find peace with ourselves.  No peace means no joy!

Seeking Acceptance

You will never truly feel acceptance through being liked by others, not until you truly like yourself.  Don't let the voice of others drown out your own inner voice. Improve the state of your heart and mind and follow your own inner voice.



Women have a hard time expressing aggression, as they were taught not to.  Boys are allowed to kick and punch while girls must be 'nice'!  Aggression is natural and needs to come out.  This has caused girls to become masters of indirect aggression and backhanded compliments.  They have learnt that psychological warfare does more damage than physical attack...and so they abuse it!  Learn to express your discontent in a more positive way.


Beauty Standards

Women try to live up to society's expectations in order to feel accepted.  Women care more about the opinions of other women than men, and so it is very easy to undermine a woman by criticizing her appearance. We live in a society that measures women by their beauty, and so beauty becomes a currency and target for attack. Competing with other women distracts us from the real problem. The problem is power, politics, and money, and companies that make a fortune off trying to sell beauty to women who feel that they are not good enough! Competition serves only the status quo and keeps women from gaining more power in their lives, work and relationships.


My Personal Journey 

I think all women, at some point in their lives, have been either on the receiving end or guilty of such actions against another woman.  I found that I began to lose interest in competing with women around 2007, at the age of 32.  This was when I started to take a close look at myself and my life. I realized that I needed to do some work on my inner world, my fears and attachments, to find inner peace, and learn to deal with a sometimes difficult and harsh world.  Meditation brought me closer to my true Self and helped me to tune into my intuition. It brought more clarity.  I found an endless fountain of inner joy was accessible at any time, and a great deal of confidence  arose too.  I am happy with myself and value my strengths and talents.  I focus on just being me...and living life!  I would not want to be anyone else but myself.

At the same time, I began to see the beauty and gifts in others.  I love inspiring others, helping them to see their gifts and talents too, encouraging them to shine.  I admire strength in other women, as I have endured some real challenges in life, and overcome many obstacles, and so I understand and value this in another.

I really have steadily grown to become very confident since 2007, some major growth was in 2010, and 2012 to 2015.  Don't get me wrong, life is not perfect. I do have challenges like anyone else.  In fact the last two years have been so incredibly tough, that I am surprised that I survived it!  Sometimes I wish that it was possible to vacate to another planet...haha!  But...I focus on working with my inner world and my own stuff. I do not have a care in the world to compete with anyone. Women who lack confidence sometimes react very negatively to confident women, and may insist that the confidence is false.

My personal growth, and confidence, was not taken well by someone close to me, she misinterpreted, or should I say 'projected' her insecurities by telling myself and others, constantly, that I am arrogant and that I think that I am better than others.  No one is better than anyone.  We are all important, precious and valuable in our own unique way.  This woman is beautiful and talented, and wishes to accomplish goals, but her friends never support her.  They keep stopping her and telling her that she is fine as she is. I can see that they know her potential and don't want to see her shine. I realize that this is why she has subconsciously been unsupportive of me.  Sometimes when people start believing that they are not good enough and not worthy, they hold onto company that will support that belief.

Learn to have compassion and grace for competitive women.  This will ensure that you respond more positively to their actions. Try to understand what motivates them.

How Can We Overcome Competing?


  • Focus on your Self wholistically - body, Soul and mind - care for this vessel that carries you by nourishing your body well. If you take care of yourself you will look and feel good. Nurture your Soul and enjoy the simple things in life. Learn to see unhealthy thought patterns and let go of them.  Take time out for stillness and look within, learn mindfulness practice and meditation.  Try yoga, it has an amazing way of connecting you deeply within. You will connect with your true self and nature. Your internal compass will begin to direct you.  You will become more peaceful, happy, grounded and confident.  
  • Want for your sisters what you would want for yourself - celebrate in the success of other women.  Compliment and support them when they do well.  Know that by supporting each other you can achieve so much more for women as a whole on this planet! 
  • Confidence comes from Knowing Thyself - stop being what others expect you to be and stop living according to others expectations. When you connect with your true self, your talents will come forth; and your inner beauty and radiance, from living according to your own true will and intent, will truly shine! 
  • Stop Competing and be your own Master - at the end of the day, you are not here to be better than anyone else.  Life is not a competition of who is better than who.  You are here to truly get to know yourself and to learn and to conquer your own fears and challenges....not conquer others! 

 Mastering ourselves requires that we devote our whole strength and Soul, thus Mastery demands all of a person; and so, we cannot Master ourselves if we devote energy to Mastering others.





#confidence #beauty #women #competition

Sources: huffington post 


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